Actually, U2 got it wrong for this house, this year. I have three girls giggling away in a bedroom (sleepover time), a Great Dane snoring away by my feet, a cat snuggled on my lap, purring and kneading away, and another cat close by who snores as loud as the dog. Also a husband who is playing something on the Nintendo/Playstation/Whateverthehellwehave thingy. So, no, it is not quiet. Although, a world in white is underway. And nothing changes on New Year’s day.
We got through Christmas. It was hard. I missed my Dad a lot. My Mom and M-I-L came, but it was not the same. My mom would not stop doing laundry, or dishes, or just doing something. I guess she couldn’t. She said it helped her to keep busy, but I felt guilty that she was doing so much. And I felt guilty cause I couldn’t make her any less sad. I wish there was something I could do for her, cause as much as I love and miss him, I know she feels it a hundred times worse. And it makes me so sad to see her so sad.
It just seemed so wrong, somehow, that we were still shopping and planning dinner, putting up a Christmas tree, listening to music and shoveling snow, walking the dog and wrapping presents, watching movies and sometimes even laughing, making plans for the day and living. But I guess that’s what you do. You just go on, you live your life, and you try maybe to be a little bit of a better wife/mother/daugther/sister/friend. Cause life is fragile, and it doesn’t last forever, and you want the people you love to know that you really loved them as hard and as good as you could. That you did your best, to the best of your abilities, and to forgive you for your failings, no matter how big or small. I think that’s all that you can hope for. And maybe that’s not too shabby.
As RedGreen used to say: Remember, I’m pulling for you. We’re all in this together.
We are, Dad. We are.
